WetLeather Motorcycle Rider Information

9/12/2006 - Dateline Detroit

The Saturn division of General Motors (GM) has announced a new specialty" vehicle, produced for the US State Department in response to RFQ-17-12574-06 for use at all US embassies worldwide. The stated
purpose is to "reduce the environmental damage done by the constant burning of traditional steel-bodied automobiles, and subsequent disposal problems." The division is using plastic body panel molding and stamping equipment formerly used in all Saturn models to produce a "98% flammable" automobile for embassy staff.

In this new model, which looks stylistically like later model Checker Marathons in profile, and Russian ZIP limousines from front isometric views, is intended to be almost completely consumed by fire under normal
embassy use, which constantly exposes their vehicles to ICED and fire-bombing attacks. The engine is a modification of the original Chevrolet "Blue Flame-6", and will run on ethanol or low-grade unleaded
gas. The entire steel body has been replaced by SMC body panels, reinforced with Kevlar modified for complete burning at relatively low temperatures, while producing very little smoke and CO2 emissions (Kyoto protocol compliant). All engine components except combustion chamber surfaces, engine cranks, and gear teeth rings have been replaced by various molded carbon fiber and Kevlar reinforced plastics. Windows glass is replaced by either polycarbonate (bulletproof) or Plexiglas sandwich "quiet glass" to reduce the noise of intrusive gunfire and minimize personnel injury, while remaining fully combustible; doors are reinforced with Kevlar armor inside the unpainted plastic body "skins", molded exclusively in a camouflage color called "Desert Sand Metallic". A non-flammable stainless-steel "basket" structure constitutes the "trunk pan", which is sized to hold all the non-combustible parts formerly comprising the car, with convenient two-man carrying handles designed into each end. The remaining white ash can be easily swept aside, or will dissolve into water as a low-phosphate detergent after a hard rain, for complete self-disposal, leaving the burn site "Tide clean".

When the car is fire-bombed in normal embassy use, the car will burn down to the ground, except for fewer than 80 metallic pieces, less than 100 lbs, all of which will fit into the "trunk pan" carryall, so that inexpensive foreign embassy maintenance staff can scavenge the remains of the car without having to deploy a traditional wrecker vehicle, after which the trunk pan can be reused as a laundry basket, or as a remanufacturing "return carrier" for the metallic parts, which can be recycled into a replacement vehicle; ($275 "core" value for the complete return of the metallic kit, to encourage recycling). The vehicle is said to weigh less than 2400 lbs due to its mostly plastic construction, making replacement by emergency air transport feasible. Worldwide distribution is to be handled by a modest dealer network to be known as Penske-Halliburton, LLC, which will also make the new vehicles available in a slightly modified right-hand drive version for sale to the British government.

The State Department plans to deploy the new vehicles immediately, to resolve the problems of "unsightly burned-out vehicles surrounding all our embassies."

- Ed Gardner