WetLeather Recipe Database - food for bikers

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Name:De Judge's Very Best Tossed Salad Contributor:Mike Johnson
Description:Remember Rule #1 -- Don't hurt Da Judge Posted:1994-11-08
Key words:salad Category:Salads
ID:437 Updated:2006-01-14 20:15:46
Ingredients:Required software:

Lettuce leaves. These should be torn to bite size. Throw them on the
garage floor and run over them with a trials bike. Or something with full
knobs if larger bites are required.

Peppers. Red and green are nice. But watch out for the small thin red
ones. If they leave burn marks on the cutting board, reduce the quantity by

Pine nuts. The fall is a good time to find these. Wear an old pair of
moto gloves and look for a squirrel. They usually have a supply at this
time of year. Be careful in the late fall, as the squirrels get testy if
you borrow too many nuts.

Mushrooms. I know very little about this but they seem to come in boxes
and are white and sort of round. Ask Martin for where to find more .. er
.. creative varieties.

Garlic cloves. 3 large. Don't mess around with this, it is one of two
key ingredients.

Balsamic Vinegar. This is the other key ingredient. If you don't have
some already, you can not call yourself a chief.

Salt. Not just any salt. NaCl with some KCl added to keep it running free
and some KI for your thyroid. You may have to look for the KI as not all
salt includes it anymore.
Preparation:1. Pour three heaping tablespoons of Balsamic vinegar into the bottom of the bowl. If you can figure out how to pour it into the middle of the bowl, don't do it. It must coat the bowl.

2. Add a pinch of salt to the vinegar. Don't over do it. Just a pinch.

3. Coat the sides of the bowl with the vinegar/salt mixture. A salad server is a handy tool for this operation. If you are using a cheap tire spoon, clean the tool immediately after use as it will rust quickly.

4. Peel the garlic cloves and nip the nasty ends off. For a rush, use your teeth.

5. Gently but firmly press the garlic cloves one at a time and drop the squeezin's in the bowl.

6. Agitate the mixture. If your spoon is still clean, use that. Otherwise, a few well chosen insults will stir things up. Speak them quietly however. It can be difficult to explain why you are shouting at a perfectly good salad bowl.

7. With the bowl bottom and sides well coated (the inside, not the outside), add the remaining software.

8. Toss the contents. This is an interesting step to watch a new cook perform. The objective is to keep as much of the software contained within the bowl as possible. It does require some practice. Please don't ask how I know.

9. Consume.
Notes:If this went correctly, you should have a wonderful grin on your face and
be ready for a really good after dinner scotch.

(Editor's notes: 1) Da Judge seems to be indicating a preference for iodized salt. 2) You can call yourself a chef even if you don't have balsamic vinegar, but not a chief -- SLG)
Equipment:Procure the following hardware:
a very large bowl, something about the size of an oil pan,
a garlic press, vise-grips(tm) will do in a pinch (sorry),
salad servers, tire change spoons have been used but the helpings are

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